Creating, managing, coding, organising and marketing Born Punk has been an incredibly fulfilling endeavour so far, satisfying my need to express myself artistically that YouTube and twitch – so, in other words, my career – could never satisfy. Video making and streaming can be creative, sure, and it is awesome to have a like-minded, even if sometimes a bit hyper-nerdy, audience to talk to and with. But both activities are also restrictive in some ways. On Youtube, for example, I have to adhere to by now almost Orwellian rules, be careful how I express myself, lest I be censored or thrown off the platform. I have to pick and choose topics that whilst interesting to me, have the potential to maximise views. Thanks to an unforgiving algorithm, the creator can’t even properly know anymore why some things work, and some things don’t. The same applies to twitch. I have gone as far as I can there, using sound effects, video effects, voice changers, different scenes, layouts, costumes… but at a certain point, due to the nature of live-streams, one hits a hard brick wall. At a certain point, creativity is restricted by the platform one is bound to.
Not so in game development. Sure, I will have to follow Steam rules, and GOG rules, and Playstation rules, and Xbox rules. But really, all that these companies are telling me is: don’t break the law, k? Publish your game, but don’t break the law. I know some developers have problems with games of a sexual nature, but creating a sexually charged game was never something I aspired to, so for ME, distribution platforms offer me pretty much complete artistic freedom. Not only that, but I am able to create a world of my own. Something that may survive my physical body, whether it is a success or a complete flop. There is something alluring about immortalising oneself; and since I’m not one who craves procreation via DNA, creating my legacy by creating a child of my mind, rather than my loins, is most appealing. Sure, videos and to a certain extent even streams can be considered a legacy too, but I don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur: my videos are social commentary, hobby commentary, they are screeches on the internet. I love them, I want to continue doing them, but they are not the same as immortalising oneself among the great creators of point and click adventure games, like Ron Gilbert, Roberta Williams, or Al Lowe. To me, creating a game feels more… significant. More important in the grander scheme of memories I may
look back upon one day, hopefully with a smile of accomplishment.
I do also enjoy the multitude of tasks one has to fulfill and arrange like a big puzzle. I was never a master of anything, but rather a jack of all trades. My interest in any specific topic in life does not go as deep as that of many others, but instead I tend to have various things I care much about, without obsessing over one particular thing enough to specialise in it. Developing this game, I get to delve into finances, marketing, organisation, diplomacy, coding, game design, story-writing, and last but not least, time-management. My days currently consist of getting up, streaming,
answering YT comments, then working on the game, finding topics to talk about on YT, and then finally, cuddling my wife and cats. I get up at 6am, I work until 6pm to 8pm. This script here I am writing at 9pm, even. And you know what? I feel great. It is good stress. My brain gets to expand its horizon. It is occupied completely, multitasking away happily and leaving me feeling fulfilled. As in, truly fulfilled. I certainly don’t mean to brag, but it is very easy for my brain to get bored, to go into some sort of standby mode, only doing what is necessary to fulfill the task at hand if I
don’t give push its CPU core towards 100%. The closer it is to 100%, the better it works, the more moretivated I am. I am SO motivated right now.
The too long, didn’t read version is probably this: I am happy continuing my career on YT and twitch. But the online entertainment business leaves an itch unscratched. That itch is the need to express myself creatively more like an artist, than a pundit or commentator. Now that this itch IS getting scratched, I don’t seem to be able to get enough of it. Producing a game? Makes me fricking happy.